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Chuck Schumer Forces the Question: What to Do with Insane Liberals?

April 6, 2017 Chuck Schumer Forces the Question: What to Do with Insane Liberals? By Frank Crimi The initial case for housing progressives in internment camps was floated shortly after Trump’s victory by feverish leftist minds convinced that his first presidential act would be to imprison or even kill anyone who stood in the way of his hellacious agenda.  Although President-Elect Trump dismissed the notion, perhaps hopeful that the fire of progressive insanity his election had unleashed would eventually burn itself out, he might be wise to reconsider the idea, as liberal lunacy has gone from flickering to supernova. The latest blast of Democrat dementia came courtesy of Senate minority leader Chuck Schumer, whose descent into madness bottomed out in a New York City restaurant after he spied longtime Democratic Party power couple Joseph Califano and his wife Hilary. Despite Hilary Califano’s liberal pedigree, she had openly admitted to voting for Trump, an act of progressive heresy so great that the sight of the apostate was enough to prompt the erratic Schumer to go over and loudly berate her, in

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The Secret Service and a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

March 23, 2017 The Secret Service and a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy By Frank Crimi A rash of troublesome Secret Service incidents makes for a disaster-filled recipe when placed next to the violence-laced menu offering being served up to President Trump by an unhinged progressive mob. The latest Secret Service problems surfaced when a laptop stolen from an agent’s car parked in front of her home reportedly contained floor and evacuation plans of Trump Tower, residence to the president’s wife and ten-year-old son. Although the Secret Service insisted that the pinched laptop contained no classified information, it nevertheless launched an investigation, which, given its other recent security lapses, added yet another inclusion to an already full investigative docket. That logbook includes a midnight intrusion onto the White House grounds by Jonathan Tran, a self-described schizophrenic, who managed to scale three separate barriers before reaching the Executive Mansion, where President Trump was home at the time. Apparently, Tran, like a tourist separated from a guided walking tour, wandered the White House grounds undetected for nearly twenty minutes, going so far as to look

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Hospitalization suspends book tour

Despite being derailed by interview cancellations and a brief stint in jail, I was able to get the divine roosters & angry clowns book tour back on track with a recent stop in Prescott, Arizona, at the Southwest Prepare or Die Expo. Initially I had misgivings about attending the survivalist convention, a three-day event that featured vendors, expert presentations and networking for those interested in surviving Doomsday. Specifically, I was uncertain how my humorous novel about a group of quirky strangers surviving a calamitous solar storm would play with people who tended to find nothing funny about apocalyptic events. My concerns however were dismissed by my publicist Butch Whistles who had arranged the promotional appearance. Butch believed talk about my book would serve as a light hearted, off beat counterbalance to the event’s all doom and gloom agenda. Listening to Butch, I had to give him credit. He was definitely thinking outside the marketing box, creativity that seemed to bear fruit almost from the moment I was greeted by Zena Goines, the exposition’s event coordinator. Zena, a perky young woman

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Kim Jong-un and the Crazy Kingdom He Leads

March 17, 2017 Kim Jong-un and the Crazy Kingdom He Leads By Frank Crimi As frustration mounts over North Korea’s expanding nuclear arsenal, the despotic regime’s latest series of provocations may have placed its demented leader Kim-Jong-un squarely in the crosshairs of Allied retaliation. Concerns over the North Korean dictator began to percolate in February, when, in a scene lifted out of a James Bond movie, he had his half-brother Kim Jong-nam assassinated in public view at Malaysia’s Kuala Lumpur Airport by two women who rubbed his unsuspecting face with a highly toxic VX nerve agent. While it’s still unclear what transgression his cross-bred relation committed to spark the ordered hit, the bar for indiscriminate killing has been set pretty low ever since Kim Jong-un assumed hereditary control of the Hermit Kingdom in 2011. To that end, North Korea’s supreme leader has ordered the termination of scores of government officials for committing such damaging state crimes as dining illegally, insufficient funeral grieving, and detrimental “alternative dreaming.”  While on the surface those types of misdeeds might be considered by any sentient

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Near overdose plagues book tour

Having been nearly crushed to death by the out-of-control mob at the Southwest Prepare or Die Expo, I had spent the following week trying to recover from my wounds, which included a severe concussion, cracked ribs and numerous facial lacerations. My physical trauma was unfortunately accompanied by troubling psychological side effects. In particular I had developed a case of agoraphobia rooted in a terrified fear of being confronted by groups of strangers eagerly intent on trampling me. As a result, I had sought permanent refuge in my house, where I combatted my anxiety disorder with a heavy amount of anti-anxiety medication. Holed up in my home, I now had ample time to reflect on the unmitigated disaster which had become the divine roosters & angry clowns book tour, a striking failure which had led its way to my now severely debilitated physical and emotional state. While I may have played a small part in some of the missteps in the publicity tour, it was inarguable that the one constant participant in all of its breakdowns had been my publicist, Butch Whistles. As

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Emptying the Barbarian’s Playbook

March 12, 2017 Emptying the Barbarian Playbook By Frank Crimi  As ISIS empties a barbaric playbook of chemical attacks, child suicide bombers, and human shields in a desperate attempt to hold onto Mosul, it may also be adding cannibalism to this poisonous script. The root of the Islamic State’s maniacal desperation stems from a tightening noose being pulled on by Iraq military forces as they attempt to wrest control of the northwestern Iraqi city. In an offensive begun last October, the five-month-long battle has turned the once entrenched citadel of ISIS control into a modern-day version of Stalingrad, with two highly armed opponents engaged in fierce, bloody street fighting. ISIS appears to be playing the role of the German army as the U.S.-backed Iraqi troops have dealt a series of devastating blows, leaving a remnant of 2,000 unyielding Islamic State fighters, along with several hundred foreign jihadist allies, holed up in the western half of the city.  With its caliphate metropolis on the verge of collapse, it’s all hands on deck for the sociopathic Islamists, leading them to take any

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Book tour delayed by my arrest

The launch of the divine roosters & angry clowns book tour once again failed to leave the station after I was arrested only days before my scheduled Monday appearance on the Sauger, Tennessee, morning television talk show, Let’s Hook Us Up Some Bluegill. The distressing calamity began Friday afternoon when I received a call from my publicist Butch Whistles who I hadn’t spoken to ever since I called him days earlier to complain about my cancelled interview with Very Uninteresting Newsmakers with Gil Frost. At that time Butch was in the middle of a card game at the Pala Indian casino and needed to cut our conversation short. Despite a promise to call me back as soon as possible, Butch became incommunicado. Now he had resurfaced and was eager to explain his absence. According to Butch, he had been fully intent on contacting me but had become sidetracked when he won a huge pot in a high stakes game of Vegas 3 Rummy. Unaccustomed to such good fortune, Butch celebrated the rare gambling success by getting blind drunk in the casino bar. Butch remembered

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